[House] San Francisco Parents of Multiples SFPOM General Discussion forum digest: separate with commas, ...
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Fri Aug 31 02:16:07 PDT 2012
San Francisco Parents of Multiples SFPOM General Discussion 8/30/2012
9:16 am - 8/31/2012
1. Minivan "Groupon" Anyone? (JJTwins)
2. A Free Workshop on Step-Parent & Domestic-Partner... (Sandpiper)
3. Comment: A Free Workshop on Step-Parent & Domestic-Part...
(Sandpiper)
4. sonoma babysitter (lisamudd)
5. Difficult In-Laws (anonymous)
6. Comment: Difficult In-Laws (cathytanimura)
7. RE: [sfpom_general] Difficult In-Laws (rockchalk90)
8. Comment: Difficult In-Laws (erin_loback)
9. Comment: Difficult In-Laws (jeccat)
10. Is anyone still meeting in Noe with twins? (marckuzak276)
11. Comment: Nanny on Facebook/ sharing Pictures of... (sfbamob)
12. Re: [sfpom_general] Nanny on Facebook/ sharing... (Sandpiper)
13. Comment: Nanny on Facebook/ sharing Pictures of...
(nataliasha2004)
14. Comment: Nanny on Facebook/ sharing Pictures of... (erin_loback)
15. Comment: Nanny on Facebook/ sharing Pictures of...
(twin_boys_on_twinpeaks)
16. Comment: Best Stroller for twins in the city (mommyanonymous)
17. Comment: Best Stroller for twins in the city
(twin_boys_on_twinpeaks)
18. Comment: Best Stroller for twins in the city (noursej)
19. Comment: Best Stroller for twins in the city (JJTwins)
20. Comment: Desperately seeking nanny (crisfg)
21. Comment: Attn, Triplets Families: New subgroup! (nataliasha2004)
22. Comment: BREASTFEEDING MULTIPLES CLASS - The Practical... (jeccat)
1. Minivan "Groupon" Anyone?
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JJTwins - 8/30/2012 11:58 pm
So most of us have already gotten a minivan, but we're
a little late to the party. We do plan on getting a
new Odyssey in a week or two and my husband had the
idea of sending out some feelers to see if anyone wants
to join us to increase our bargaining power. We've
already contacted a few dealers in an attempt to get
the lowest price possible, but I think if we had a
several buyers at once, we could all score incredible
bargains. Please contact my husband at
JVLouie at hotmail.com if you're interested in joining our
minivan "groupon!"
Send comment to:
With subject line: "Ref#71896955 - Minivan "Groupon" Anyone?"
Email author: jvlouie at hotmail.com
--------------------------------------------------------
2. A Free Workshop on Step-Parent & Domestic-Partner Adoption
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Sandpiper - 8/30/2012 3:03 pm
SFPOM is not enforcing this seminar, however we wanted
to pass on the information:I thought you might be
interested in this workshop i'm hosting a workshop next
month September 19 on Step-Parent Adoptions. Please
pass along to anyone who might be interested, such as a
recently married couple with children from a previous
marriage, and domestic partners who have or plan on
having children. Thank you! Anne Gyemant
Paris Gyemant Paris Law www.adoptsf.com Uncovering
Step-Parent Adoptions in California A Free Workshop on
Step-Parent & Domestic-Partner Adoption Presented by
Gyemant Paris Law AdoptSF Have you wondered: • What
are the reasons for a step-parent adoption? • What
protections can a step-parent provide my family? •
Did you know that domestic partners are treated the
same as step-parents under California law? • How is
an absent parent's rights terminated? Join us for a
free educational workshop September 19, 2012 6 pm --
7 pm Noe Valley Library Please rsvp
to Anne at adoptsf.com Or 415.513.5502Anne Gyemant
Paris, Esq.GYEMANT PARIS LAWCreating Families1330
Castro StreetSan Francisco, California
94114phone 415.513-5502toll free
866.341.0801anne at adoptsf.comwww.adoptsf.com
Send comment to:
With subject line: "Ref#71884334 - A Free Workshop on Step-Parent )
Email author: ggmgjenia at gmail.com
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4. sonoma babysitter
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lisamudd - 8/30/2012 11:39 am
Hi, Anyone have a sitter they would recommend in
Sonoma? My in-laws just moved there and am thinking it
would be good to meet a sitter out there for when we
all want to go to dinner. Would love any suggestions.
Have one that we have used a couple times, but she
lives in Windsor - so it takes her about an hour to get
to sonoma. Would love to find someone that lives
closer.
Send comment to:
With subject line: "Ref#71877423 - sonoma babysitter"
Email author: lisamudd at gmail.com
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5. Difficult In-Laws
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anonymous - 8/30/2012 8:32 am
My mother-in-law from India is helping with our babies
for the next couple months while I return to work
full-time. The babies are currently 10 weeks old and
feed exclusively on breast milk. She is with the
babies from 10am to 5pm. I BF the babies at 8am and
ask her to feed the babies expressed breast milk at
11am and 2pm. I return from work at 5pm to BF the
babies. I leave behind 5oz per baby per feed of breast
milk. The babies eat about 24-30 oz each day and are
sleeping from 8pm to 5am. They are growing very well
and our doctor is very happy with their development.The
problem: My mother-in-law is convinced we are not
feeding them enough and they are "starving" because
they cry a little during the day. I'm also told that
I'm not eating enough that is why I'm not producing
enough milk. However, when I come home at 5pm they are
rarely crying and more often asleep. When I do breast
feed them at 5pm they barely feed. I'm worried that my
supply will decrease because they are not hungry when I
return.My husband fully supports me and thinks we are
doing great. He is arguing on my behalf, however it is
stressful to hear this every night when I return home
from work. Any tips on how to handle difficult
in-laws? I think it is especially difficult since I'm
American and she often refers to what Indian doctors
say (based on friends and internet searches).
Send comment to:
With subject line: "Ref#71870977 - Difficult In-Laws"
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6. cathytanimura says...
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8/30/2012 8:21 pm
So sorry to hear this. It's difficult to be
criticized/second guessed about anything related to
babies, but especially around breastfeeding which is so
deeply personal. Sounds like you are doing a great job,
so don't let MIL stop you. I do think you will have to
either confront her and tell her how much her comments
hurt you, or else decide that you are going to ignore
them and stick to that resolve. You could also look
into starting longer term care (nanny? Daycare?)
sooner. Funny how "free" family help sometimes has all
these unexpected emotional costs.
Email author: cathy.tanimura at yahoo.com
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7. rockchalk90 says...
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8/30/2012 8:41 pm
I had the same issue but my in-law was only with me for
3 weeks telling me I was doing everything wrong. I
took some good advice from another mom and just ignored
it to keep the peace in the "family". It does get
better when the kids get older. They only mean well.
From: sfpom_general at lists.bigtent.com To:
rockchalk90 at hotmail.com Subject: Re: [sfpom_general]
Difficult In-Laws - Ref#71870977 Date: Thu, 30 Aug 2012
20:23:02 -0700 Cathy Tanimura commented: So sorry to
hear this. It's difficult to be criticized/second
guessed about anything related to babies, but
especially around breastfeeding which is so deeply
personal. Sounds like you are doing a great job, so
don't let MIL stop you. I do think you will have to
either confront her and tell her how much her comments
hurt you, or else decide that you are going to ignore
them and stick to that resolve. You could also look
into starting longer term care (nanny? Daycare?)
sooner. Funny how "free" family help sometimes has all
these unexpected emotional costs. Add your comments
online:
http://www.bigtent.com/group/forum/message/71893373?md=MTIzODA4MDI=&md=NjA3Nzg0MjI=
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8. erin_loback says...
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8/30/2012 9:16 pm
Congratulations on your babies -- you should be so
proud that they are doing so well at such a young age.
Great eaters and sleepers who are on a regular schedule
and are growing well, what more could you ask for from
10-week-old twins?I've had some issues with feeling
second-guessed by my mother-in-law, and what I have
found really works is to somewhat forcefully state the
way things will be, make it clear it is not open for
discussion, and hope that she takes the hint. ("They
are eating the appropriate amount for their age, they
are sleeping well and the doctor is pleased with their
growth. Babies cry, it's just what they do, and it
doesn't mean they are hungry. This is the schedule we
are doing with the babies in this house, and I'd
appreciate if you'd respect the decisions I am making
for my children.") It doesn't always work, and I am not
confrontational so it was hard at first. It's great
that your husband is very supportive and agrees that
you are making the right decisions for your babies and
that what you are doing works well for them, but it's
very hard when he ends up in the middle, so if you can
try to deal with the issue head-on yourself, it might
be worth trying. I had no MIL issues until the babies.
I have to stop and remind myself often that she cares
about them and just wishes the best for them, and her
nagging/criticism/passive aggressiveness/inappropriate
comments/etc. are all because she wants what is best
for her grandkids, but it's very hard not to take it
personally as a criticism that I am not a good mom.
And when it's about something as personal as
breastfeeding and how much to feed babies, it just
makes it harder. (Is she telling you to put rice cereal
in their bottles? That is what my sister's
mother-in-law was insisting she should do for her
3-week-old.) It's also difficult because the decisions
you make when you have twins are very likely different
from the way you would do things if you just had one
baby. For a lot of us twin moms, the desire/necessity
to get them on the same sleeping and eating schedule
overrides catering to every little whimper. Some people
think it's cruel, but for many of us, we know that
maintaining sanity and getting sleep makes us better
mothers in the long run, which is better for the
overall health of our babies. Oftentimes twin moms
clash with others when it comes to a schedule we've
worked so hard to achieve, where a non-twin mom can't
appreciate how essential it is.Hang in there. You're
obviously doing a lot of things right to have your
babies in such a great place at 10 weeks.ErinBrett and
Maggie9/28/09
Email author: erin_loback at yahoo.com
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9. jeccat says...
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8/30/2012 9:37 pm
My in laws just left and while they were very helpful,
my FIL did suggest several times when my twins were
hard to soothe that maybe they weren't getting enough
milk... The last time I snapped at him, said they were
wetting enough diapers and gaining enough weight, so by
definition they were getting enough milk. Luckily he
backed off but I feel your pain! I think people have a
visceral reaction to babies crying, and secondary
caretakers (meaning those without breasts) feel a
little powerless when confronted with a screaming baby
and no guaranteed way to stop the crying. Maybe you
could use a little positive reinforcement with your
MIL, tell her that you don't think they're crying from
hunger but that with her superior baby-soothing skills
you know she can calm them without the crutch of food
they don't need? Really lay it on thick, make it about
her ego :-). Who knows, maybe she'll come up with some
good tricks!Also, please let the world know how you got
your twins sleeping that long already!!! My guys are
now 6 weeks old and I would love to be where you are in
a month's time...
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10. Is anyone still meeting in Noe with twins?
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marckuzak276 - 8/30/2012 8:10 am
...or does anyone want to? Park, coffee, whatever...be
good to meet. Let me know if you're in and around the
area and have multiples!
Send comment to:
With subject line: "Ref#71870241 - Is anyone still meeting in Noe with
twins?"
Email author: gabriellekuzak at googlemail.com
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-------------------------------------------------------------
Topic: Nanny on Facebook/ sharing Pictures of your kids
We went our nanny's wedding recently and even though she was
the only person we knew...
Send comment to:
With subject line: "Ref#71859937 - Nanny on Facebook/ sharing Pictures
of your kids"
11. sfbamob says...
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8/30/2012 7:22 am
I too would be bothered by this, even though it sounds
quite innocent. She seems to love your kids and want
to share her life -- and theirs -- with her closest
friends. I'd talk to her about it, explain your
privacy concerns, find out where the photos/videos are
posted, and make a change in how photos and videos are
shared, if at all. Maybe there is a compromise? For
example, how about making cards with photos of your
nanny and kids for your nanny to mail to her friends at
holidays?
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12. Sandpiper says...
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8/30/2012 7:39 am
I wouldn't be very bothered either, though I understand
how you feel. Check with her casually if she posts
pictures - I wouldn't approve of that. However, if she
just shows them on her phone - I wouldn't be bothered.
If she is a full time nanny, your kids are a large part
of her life and naturally her close friends hear the
stories of her days with them. Hope you can find some
compromise without a strain in relationship. Jenia On
Aug 30, 2012, at 7:24 AM, sfbamob wrote: sfbamob
commented: I too would be bothered by this, even though
it sounds quite innocent. She seems to love your kids
and want to share her life -- and theirs -- with her
closest friends. I'd talk to her about it, explain
your privacy concerns, find out where the photos/videos
are posted, and make a change in how photos and videos
are shared, if at all. Maybe there is a compromise?
For example, how about making cards with photos of your
nanny and kids for your nanny to mail to her friends at
holidays? Add your comments online:
http://www.bigtent.com/group/forum/message/71868574?md=MTgxNTQwNzA=&md=NjA3Nzg0MjI=
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--------------------------------------------------------
13. nataliasha2004 says...
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8/30/2012 10:24 am
I can see how this might feel weird - although when you
think about it, it's good that she obviously cares
about them so much as to treat them like family. If
it's a safety concern, then maybe you can be sure she
doesn't include their full names, or any other info
that could cause trouble... If it's privacy, and
extends to your children (not just photos of you/your
partner) then perhaps you should mention to her that
you're not 100% comfortable with that -- tho I suspect
her sharing was innocent and just driven by enjoying
her job, and the kids. Perhaps you could ask that she
also share any future posts with you, so that you have
the opportunity to ask her to withdraw those??The whole
trust issue can be so tricky - and is one of those
things that parenting suddenly forces us to explore in
a whole new way, huh?The first time I was out with my
girls and met someone who knew them (but not me) it did
feel weird - but then I got to like & appreciate it,
because I realized it meant there were a BUNCH of
people out there (mostly nannies & other parents) who
know and would look out for my kids, in a "takes a
village" kind of way. & my kids recognized the person
immeditately, and responded in a totally positive way.
I would have felt really differently had they been
fearful or uncomfortable.Others have been people my
kids know and talk about, so it's nice to meet them
personally. Also, our nanny has frequently taken them
on playdates with other local nanny friends
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