[House] San Francisco Parents of Multiples SFPOM General Discussion forum digest - 6/1/2015
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Mon Jun 1 02:16:19 PDT 2015
San Francisco Parents of Multiples SFPOM General Discussion 5/31/2015
9:15 am - 6/1/2015
1. Questions for moms who had twins first and then... (anonymous)
2. Comment: Questions for moms who had twins first... (sharono)
3. Comment: Recommendations for Barcelona with 3 year old ...
(mamapod)
1. Questions for moms who had twins first and then a third
child (or debated having a third)
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anonymous - 5/31/2015 7:26 am
I also posted this on ggmg, hoping to get more advice
from different parents here. Sorry so long!I always
wanted 2 or 3 kids but once we found out I was having
(spontaneous) twins, we quickly decided that we would
be done. While it took me some time to get used to the
idea of having twins, I quickly came to focus on all
the benefits: having 2 the same age and how they'd
always have a friend, a playmate, how down the road
trips would be easier and they'd be into the same stuff
at least on a developmental level. Since I have 2 of
the same sex, they could share a room indefinitely.
We'd also only have to go through things like potty
training once and we'd be done forever. They'd
generally be on the same schedule. Etc, etc.My husband
was always convinced that I would come around and want
another but I was sure that it would be too tough to
trade all the above benefits. I made it quite a while,
never yearning for another, attending baby showers and
being thrilled for the mom but also grateful that I
didn't have to go through that baby phase again that I
did not enjoy. Well, all of a sudden, I have started
thinking about having another child. I haven't
mentioned this to my husband yet because I have
feelings all over the board and want to get some of
them sorted before I have that conversation, though I
think he would be very open to it (I think he always
expected me to eventually say I wanted another
child).While I've met quite a few moms who had twins
after they had another child, I have so many questions
and would love to connect with moms who had twins
first, and then decided to have a third. Particularly
if their kids weren't super close in age (maybe 3 or 4
year difference). I know adding a third would naturally
upset our current dynamic and make things harder but I
guess I'm anxious to hear more about what changes or
what else I should think about.other background
info:-I'm a SAHM and have no plans to return to
work-With that said, I love my kids deeply but I
wouldn't say my life's calling is to be a mom -- I'm
very involved in things outside of my children and
appreciate that I can have that balance-Financially we
could afford another child-My husband is 5 years older
than me and has always had a 'deadline' that he would
not want to have kids after, which I respect. Though
I'm nowhere near a decision at this point, we'd have a
little less than a year to get pregnant. I'm not
concerned about my age, but of course, you never
know.-I've heard that your chance of conceiving twins
increases once you already have conceived spontaneously
which totally freaks me out-If we move forward, and of
course who knows what would happen, the kids would
likely be 3.5-4 years apart-We like to travel, though
haven't traveled much with them. We like to take a
5-day trip just the two of us annually and I definitely
see it being a lot harder to leave 3 with my parents
than 2.Now that we've gotten through so many tough
stages for twins (and still plenty more to come), it
seems crazy to trade that to start all over again. It
definitely doesn't make sense on paper but oftentimes
these sort of things don't. I'm trying to make a pro
and con type of list but also know there are certain
things I'd need to come to terms with -- if I had
another child of the same sex (so all three the same,
while I'm not set on having the other, I think there
would be some disappointment), the possibility of
miscarriage (had one before the twins) or the ability
to move on and be happy with 'just twins' if we did
decide to move forward and it didn't happen within our
timeframe -- once I set my mind to something, it's hard
for me to move on.I'd also be interested in any
feedback from twin moms who contemplated a third and
why you decided not to. Or if there was a period you
yearned for another, did it pass?I'm not comfortable
sharing my identity widely at this stage but appreciate
any advice and if responders are open to further
communication, I'd be interested in contacting you
directly. Thank you!!
Send comment to:
With subject line: "Ref#92482129 - Questions for moms who had twins
first and then a third
child (or debated having a third)"
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2. sharono says...
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5/31/2015 1:51 pm
I'll start by saying that only you and your husband can
ultimately decide what the two of you can handle
weighing against the risk (like possibly having more
than one) and impact (delayed travel vacations)
factors.With that said...I did "spontaneously" have a
third child 8 years after my twins. We had in vitro
w/the twins so we weren't very "careful" and I was well
into my forties...what are the chances? Well, we hit a
bingo, which is why I play the lottery when the jackpot
gets high! ;-)Our third son has truly been a blessing
for our entire family. He was born healthy (which was a
concern given my age), is fairly even keel (as much as
a 6 year old can be) and has reminded his older
brothers of what being a kid is all about (sometimes,
however, having 14 year olds acting like 6 is not so
good ;-)I remember thinking when I suspected I was
pregnant, that having one would be a piece of cake
after having twins (with little support help during the
day while hubby was at work). Having twins would have
been a life changer since I didn't know if I had the
energy to deal with 4 kids on my own.So, some of the
factors for you to consider is mostly "support"
oriented. Do you have family who can help you regularly
during those first couple of years or at least be able
to have a nanny to assist with either taking your older
kids to school/activities while you're with the baby,
or vice versa?The diaper and potty training phase goes
by pretty quickly. Having a third child shouldn't
preclude you from giving up your other
activities...there will be an adjustment time, but you
just have to schedule Mom time the same way you do
birthday parties and play dates :-) You set the
schedule and they will follow.Feel free to contact me
with any more questions...good luck on your decision!
Email author: sharon at sfusbornebooks.com
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-------------------------------------------------------------
Topic: Recommendations for Barcelona with 3 year old twins?
Hoping that some of you well traveled Moms can give some
advice on which neighborhoods...
Send comment to:
With subject line: "Ref#92438336 - Recommendations for Barcelona with
3 year old twins?"
3. mamapod says...
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6/1/2015 12:56 am
Ok KarenI have contacted my friend. Can you email
me?Peaism at gmail.comBestJennifer
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