San Francisco Parents of Multiples SFPOM General Discussion 1/1/2013 10:13 am - 1/2/2013
1. My heart didn't break when I went back to work... (jeccat)
2. Nanny Trust - What to Do (ljsanfran)
3. Full time tibetan nanny with twins experience available (drshulamit)
4. Comment: Moving one twin to Kaiser while the other... (gatomal)
5. Comment: Moving one twin to Kaiser while the other... (HollyBuchanan)
6. Comment: Moving one twin to Kaiser while the other... (lborkow)
7. Comment: Crying in the car seat (suzanne659)
8. Comment: Crying in the car seat (HollyBuchanan)
9. Comment: Crying in the car seat (ked21880)
10. Comment: Baby stomping only right foot for a week... (HollyBuchanan)
11. Comment: Electing to supplement (suzanne659)
12. Comment: Looking for Full Time Nanny for Feburary... (jeccat)
13. Comment: Looking for Full Time Nanny for Feburary... (jeccat)
1. My heart didn't break when I went back to work... Anyone
else?
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jeccat - 1/1/2013 11:27 pm
Hello moms-- I have seen so many postings by women who
feel that their hearts break at the thought of going
back to work after their maternity leave. This post is
my attempt to find other moms who felt the way I did,
and NOT to judge anyone who felt sad to return to
work!I spent 20.5 weeks at home with my twins after
they were born. We went for long walks, met friends in
cafes, sang songs, we went to baby boot camp and preggo
Pilates. They smiled and laughed and cooed and grew
like weeds. I spent some part of every day adoring
them.I also learned how to pee while holding a
screaming baby (while the other one screamed from the
nursery, natch), spent entire days wearing nothing but
spit up-stained pajama pants and a deeply funky cotton
nursing bra, and decided I might as well just hang up
my sanity cap because I was pretty much just talking to
myself for ten hours every day, right? Despite my best
efforts, I constantly felt guilty-- even when I was
cuddling one twin, there was another twin who wasn't
being cuddled. In contrast, my first day back at work,
I put on a REAL bra and a pair of shoes. My boobs
stayed in my shirt most if the day (except when I was
pumping). If someone needed my attention they asked
politely and in the English language. I ate a
delicious, hot lunch with two hands, while talking to
adults. I scheduled bathroom breaks based on my own
biological needs, not someone else's. And I earned
money-- money that puts a roof over our heads, buys us
food, and will educate my children.And my babies? They
are happy. If they miss their mama they don't let on--
they seem quite content with their nanny. I do get up
an hour early so I can play with them before work, and
I leave as early as I can to spend time with them
before bed. I definitely treasure the time we have
together more than I did when it stretched out before
us endlessly-- no more furtive glancing at the iPad
while we're hanging out-- and I feel the attention give
them is higher quality too. All in all, I am so happy
to be working. I think it is best for me, my babies,
and my family.Anyone else?
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With subject line: "Ref#74998987 - My heart didn't break when I went back to work... Anyone
else?"
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2. Nanny Trust - What to Do
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ljsanfran - 1/1/2013 3:32 pm
We have had our full-time nanny for almost 2 years
since our boy/girl twins were newborns. I have had few
complaints over the years - she is caring, careful,
flexible, fun, energetic and helps our household in
many ways. Our kids love her and seem to be thriving.
I think I'm a fairly "relaxed" mom and give her a lot
of leeway but, of course, when I hired her I outlined
my expectations and the "house rules" very clearly.
One of the rules is no TV for the kids and I have been
very clear about it in writing and verbally. I found
out this morning (was on our On Demand programming)
that she watched an hour program yesterday with them
(and who know how many other times). To make it worse,
she watched it first thing in the morning after not
seeing them for a week after a Christmas holiday. I
would think if there was a time she would be engaged
with the kids, that would be it. While watching a
little TV isn't going to kill the kids (we let them do
it now & then), I feel that she has totally betrayed my
trust. We are obviously going to confront her about it
but I'm not sure what to do longer term. It's a small
thing but it has really shaken my trust in her and I'm
now doubting whether or not we should consider looking
for another nanny. Any thoughts or similar
experiences appreciated...
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3. Full time tibetan nanny with twins experience available
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drshulamit - 1/1/2013 12:40 pm
Full time tibetan nanny with twins experience
availableTsering is from Tibet, she is the mother of
three boys. She is in the United States legally as a
refugee. She has been a wonderful nanny with great
energy. She does not text or speak on the phone. She
will be very tuned in to your child's needs. She was
very loving and attentive with my girls. She prepared
home made food for my twin girls once they started to
eat solids. We took a baby massage class together so
you will have one lucky baby in her hands. When we went
away Tsering was enthusiastic about taking my girls
swimming with me. The family that gets her would be
very lucky to have her take care of their newborn or
infant. She took care of them from 7 weeks of age to ~1
year old. She still comes to see my girls and
occasionally babysits. My girls are always so excited
to see her.More recently for the past two years she has
taken care of a 1.5 year old boy. That family has moved
out of the country and I was more than happy to post
this for her. The prior employess wrote a letter on her
behalf and I have put some of what they wrote
below.Tsering's prior employers wrote the following.
The past two years she has worked for a 1.5 year old.
She has been a wonderful caregiver to him. She is kind
and loving. She has taught him kindness, compassion,
empathy and manners. She played developmentally
appropriate games with him. She was always on time and
did not complain when asked to stay late.Languages:
Hindi, Tibetan, and EnglishI would be happy to speak to
speak to you regarding her work. Feel free to email me.
(drshulamit@yahoo.com)Her phone number is
(510)926-5349.
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With subject line: "Ref#74981239 - Full time tibetan nanny with twins experience available"
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Topic: Moving one twin to Kaiser while the other is at
UCSF??
Happy New Year to you all! I posted around 2 weeks ago
about balancing time between...
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With subject line: "Ref#74970416 - Moving one twin to Kaiser while the other is at UCSF??"
4. gatomal says...
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1/1/2013 1:32 pm
First of all--we are keeping you and your family in our
good thoughts. What an overwhelming time it must be. I
can't believe you even have time to login and post. I
assume that Malia is to be transferred to the SF
Kaiser? If not (not sure where you live) but UCSF and
SF Kaiser are not too far away. Set a plan with both
NICUs to be onsite at a specific time so they know when
you'll be coming in. Try to be at the UCSF NICU early
am (when the medical team rounds) so that you can be
present or nearby to more closely follow Kai's care
(the nursing staff can tell you when this happens). See
if you can connect with a social worker at UCSF to help
you. They have knowledge of resources, and may help
with the NICU situation, or with transportation
information or with support groups of other parents
that have faced the same challenges.I had a relatively
uncomplicated NICU situation for 9 days, but was very
ill with severe pre-eclampsia and carpal tunnel (making
holding the babies for more than a minute or two
extremely painful) and was readmitted. If I had it to
do over again, I would let the BF go and just cross it
off the list, as it made it much more difficult for me
to recover and rest. In fact, I pumped exclusively for
five months, and never breastfed them "naturally". Many
do feel strongly about breastfeeding, and you may too,
but it is something to consider. IMO, you will bond
with the babies whether they breastfeed or not, and it
is really important for mom to get her strength back,
get rest, be there for her 2.5 year old, and advocate
for her newborns in what is a high-stress time. Spend
money on cabs until you can drive, and if you don't
have friends or family that can help with your other
child, get a nanny figured out (even part-time during
the day) for a few weeks/months so you can heal. It was
a struggle for us to pay for lots of help, but we did
it, and we can't imagine how difficult it would have
been without help, especially in those first few weeks
until I got my strength back. Sending prayers and good
thoughts your way. Kepp us posted!
Email author: may.jacqueline@yahoo.com
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5. HollyBuchanan says...
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1/1/2013 2:37 pm
First of all, I'm so sorry you're facing this, and I'm
wishing all the best to you and your family. You said
they were transferring twin A "for insurance purposes."
I wonder if they would consider seeking approval for
the twin A to stay there because of YOUR condition -
recovering from your own surgery, or better yet -
emotional disability due to the stress of having a
child facing several heart surgeries. I would talk to
the Drs to see if there is any way for your severe
emotional stress to be considered "issue" enough to
have twin A's stay covered by insurance. And
regarding BFing, I agree gatomal that you may need to
let that go. I had 28-weekers and a 2-month NICU stay
and I pumped almost exclusively then bottle fed the
breast milk. I maintained my commitment to serving BM,
but had to let go of the notion that it would be via
BFing. If you need to be there for twin B, possibly
bouncing between 2 hospitals, plus see your toddler,
plus your family and time for YOU, then you will not
truly be available to Malia every 3 hours and she may
likely develop a preference for a bottle nipple anyway.
This is not a failure on your part, it's simply part
of what you face when you're in the NICU. I hope it
all works out for you and your family. Happy New Year!
Email author: h.buch@hotmail.com
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6. lborkow says...
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1/1/2013 5:45 pm
I am so sorry you have to go through this - it is tough
enough having babies in the NICU let alone having them
in different hospitals. I agree with the poster above
about checking with the case worker at both UCSF and
Kaiser regarding seeing if your emotional distress
coupled with recovering from a C-section would be
enough to allow insurance to cover Malia's stay at
UCSF.Regarding BF - this was what happened to me: My
babies were born at 34 weeks and my son had a severe
case of IUGR (he was only 2lbs 6oz at birth). My
little girl had no sucking reflex at birth and while my
son had one, he could only BF for 5 minutes before he
tired out. I stressed and stressed about not being
able to BF them. But once I got them both home I
decided to exclusively pump and while I occasionally BF
her (she is very good at clearing plugged ducts if I
have one) he has lost the ability to BF. They both get
breast milk and are supplemented with formula and are
both thriving. My little boy actually weighs more than
my girl now. You are not alone in the BF arena, go
easy on yourself and know you are doing the best you
can. :)Sending you and your family good thoughts!
Email author: leslieellen@gmail.com
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Topic: Crying in the car seat
Twins are now 16 weeks old, and one does not want to sit in
the car seat. Has anyone...
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With subject line: "Ref#74969943 - Crying in the car seat"
7. suzanne659 says...
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1/1/2013 11:28 am
One of our twins hated the car seat and would scream
bloody murder (making it hard to concentrate on
driving). We tried everything -- lovies, toys, paci,
music, etc. but nothing worked. We finally switched
from the infant car seat (the one that snaps in) to a
convertible and he was fine. I think he was just super
uncomfortable in the infant seat - he's pretty tall -
and the bigger seat and the ability to be positioned in
a more upright way seemed to make him happier. Do you
have the opportunity to try a different car seat?
Email author: suzanne@coppolamedia.com
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8. HollyBuchanan says...
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1/1/2013 2:46 pm
It took us WAY too long to figure out that one of our
twins would get car sick, and that is why she hated the
car seat. While your child may not be throwing up
(like mine did constantly) he/she may be dizzy, queazy,
or disoriented. It was a very sad time for us as I was
obsessed with keeping them facing backwards for as long
as possible for safety reasons (we live in the snow,
where accidents happen quite regularly). She
eventually grew out of it, and when I faced them
forward at age 2 she was fine and has no problem with
the car now.
Email author: h.buch@hotmail.com
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9. ked21880 says...
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1/1/2013 6:19 pm
Hi all! Mine who are now 22 weeks old went through the
same thing about a month ago. Now they love rides in
the car and in stroller. Think it could also just be
the age cause I was going crazy and couldn't take them
anywhere for awhile then all of a sudden they loved it.
Started looking out the window and just calmed them
immediately. Hope it gets better for you.
Email author: ked21880@hotmail.com
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Topic: Baby stomping only right foot for a week, will not
stomp left. Is this weird?
Ok moms, this is another "tell me not to worry about my
baby" question. My littler...
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10. HollyBuchanan says...
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1/1/2013 2:56 pm
Its important to remember that your twins are two
totally different children who happened to be born at
the same time. One of mine would hit a milestone 3
weeks before the other, then the second would hit the
next one 3 weeks before the first. Now, my daughter is
significantly farther along in speech than my son, but
I've learned to let them develop as they are going to.
Everything is a phase, and before you know it a week
will pass and it will all be different again!
Comparing your twins is fascinating, but it shouldn't
rule your thought process or worry you. That said, I
would watch your child closely if they have a strong
reluctance or inability to use one side of their body.
Every child develops a preference for one hand and even
one foot, but if your child continues to show an
inability to use his right foot I would see a Dr. for
sure. There are therapies they can start early that
can correct these types of things. Good luck!
Email author: h.buch@hotmail.com
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Topic: Electing to supplement
Hi all,
wondering about your experiences with switching to partial
formula. The boys...
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11. suzanne659 says...
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1/1/2013 11:33 am
I had to supplement almost from the start due to a
terribly low supply. I felt so guilty and pumped like
a maniac trying to up my supply, but it never worked.
I still feel a bit like a failure because my twins
weren't breast fed, but they're now 16 months old, and
have always been super healthy and grow like weeds!
They now eat solids and have massive, healthy
appetites. I second what previous posters said - you
have to do what's best for you and for your family.
For me, I almost didn't have a choice, but found that
it was nice that other people (husband, family members,
nanny) could do some of the feeds and I wasn't trapped
at home or attached to the pump 24/7.
Email author: suzanne@coppolamedia.com
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Topic: Looking for Full Time Nanny for Feburary Babies
If you know a great nanny or can recommend a good way to
find one looking for full...
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With subject line: "Ref#74877172 - Looking for Full Time Nanny for Feburary Babies"
12. jeccat says...
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1/1/2013 12:14 pm
@kirkhayes: for two kids, I hear between $18-$25/hr. I
pay $20 over the table (works out to be ~$21.60 per
hour with employer taxes) which is on the lower side I
think, but I don't expect much housework other than
picking up toys, bottle washing, and occasional
errands.
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13. jeccat says...
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1/1/2013 12:30 pm
Things that make a nanny more expensive: English
speaking ability, driver's license, child development
education and / or experience. "Premium" nannies--
English speakers with driver's licenses, a degree in
child care, who will help you with housework and
cooking-- will definitely set you back $25 per hour or
more. An inexperienced non-English speaker who doesn't
drive will be closer to the $18 end of the scale, but
may also be willing to help with housework.
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